Happy Retirement Madden!!

Everyone's favourite commentator, John Madden, announced his retirement today after 30 seasons looking down on the field from the broadcast booth. I have to admit I was a little heartbroken when I heard the news. Everyone who knows me knows how much I love Maddenisms. But at 73, I don't blame him at all. He wants to spend more time with his family. So enjoy retirement, John!

And I leave you with this: "Hey, the offensive linemen are the biggest guys on the field, they're bigger than everybody else, and that's what makes them the biggest guys on the field.”

We'll miss you!

McNabb on the bench

Donovan McNabb got benched at half time today for lack of productivity. Here's a list of things he was probably doing during the 2nd half:

1. Reading the NFL rule book - Wow guys games really can end in a tie. That's AMAZING!
2. Texting Romo to see how well he gets along with T.O. - 213 yds? Really that well??
3. Telling Andy Reid he hopes they can continue their man-love which is equivalent to Madden/Favre.
4. Writing an "I'm sorry" letter to T.O.
5. Eating Chunky in hopes he can keep his deal with Campbell's because Momma McNabb will be angry otherwise.
6. Wondering if the Ti-Cats need a QB since his wife's already in Hamilton.
7. Learning to play hockey - since the NHL has no ties.
8. Looking at a Rogaine pamphlet to reverse the obvious balding.
9. Applying for a position in Obama's administration.
10. Wondering if he should take down his fathead of Andy Reid he has above his bed.
11. Calling his travel agent - Hi I'd like to book a trip to somewhere warm on Dec. 29th. No no don't be silly there won't be a post-season for me.
12. Creating a Facebook event for Pacman's return - C'mon Pacman I know you wanna party!
13. Thinking "Ha ha Kolb's so cold with his bare arms and look at me looking like a little baby all bundled up in my coat!"
14. Checkin' out time shares in a Florida retirement community
15. Wondering how many licks it takes to get to the centre of a Tootsie Pop.

Girls' guide Part 2 - Sex & the Stadium

There's lots of different positions in football and every girl knows Sex & the City. So it only makes sense to use the characters of Sex & the City as my main reference here. I'll use other pop culture references too but you'll get it!

Offensive positions
Quarterback (QB) - This position is like Carrie. There'd be no show without her. The QB's job is to basically be the leader of the offensive. They have control of the ball. Much like how Carrie controls the show because episodes are generally based on whatever she's writing about. The QB can throw the ball, hand it off, or run with it in order to gain yards. Real life QB you'd know - Tony Romo; how you know him - he's Jessica Simpson's boyfriend.

Wide receiver (WR) - This position is like Samantha. The wide receiver is meant to catch passes from the QB. Samantha is a self-proclaimed receiver. Also, WRs often like to go for the deep ball (a pass far down the field). Samantha also likes to go de...ok you get the picture. WRs tend to be the primadonna of the team as well for some reason. Everything has to be all about them, which is very Samantha-like. Real life WR you'd know - Jerry Rice (he's retired though); how you know him - he danced with the stars.

Running back (RB) - This position is like Charlotte really only because she runs. RBs are the runners on the team. When they are involved in a play, the QB will either hand them the ball or throw a short pass to them. Real life RB you'd know - O.J. Simpson (retired); how you know him - ...moving on

Tight end (TE) - I know you're all thinking this position is like Smith because of the name but there's more to the TE than a...tight end... The TE has 2 main functions: receiving and blocking. So in reality, I guess the Smith comparison works. He gets the spotlight when he's receiving all the attention (like catching the ball), but he also would do anything for Samantha and help her with anything (like blocking the defenders for the WR or RB to make a play) Real life TE you'd know - Mike Ditka (retired); how you know him - he was in Kicking and Screaming with Will Ferrell

Offensive line (OL) - The offense line consists of different positions but we'll just group them together for simplicity right now. These guys are like Miranda. Their build is Miranda when she's pregnant. Their job is to protect the QB by blocking defenders. Miranda is always known for protecting and being there for Carrie (the QB). They line up at the line of scrimmage (where the ball is placed). In other terms, they are the bodyguards. Real life lineman you'd know - John Madden (retired); how you know him - Frank Caliendo impersonates him (really well). He was also in Little Giants.

Kicker (K) - The kicker is like Big. He either is the most loved or most hated guy on the show, much like a kicker to a team. When a kicker makes a field goal, he's loved. So when Big does something sweet and amazing for Carrie (like the last episode of the series in Paris), he's loved. When a kicker misses a field goal and the team loses, it's left on his shoulders. So when Big screws things up (i.e. marries Natasha), everyone hates him. Real life kicker you'd know - Jay Feely; how you know him - Dane Cook made fun of him on an SNL skit.

Next part we'll do defensive positions!

The great debate: Favre vs. Pennington

So who got the better end of this? The Jets or the Dolphins? Everyone knows I'm biased on this one but still. The Jets lead the Dolphins in the standings by 1 game but in the long-run, I'm handing this one to the Dolphins. The Jets benefited in financial ways from the sales of Favre jerseys but he either wins or loses games. He's just not been consistent enough for me. Pennington in my mind has stepped up in Miami as a leader. Favre's always been a leader but he's risky, which for me I'd rather have consistency than a risky guy who's either going to get to the guy in triple coverage or miss and throw it into the hands of one of the 3 defenders. Also, Brett, dude, you're old. I'm sorry. I know Kurt Warner's old too but he also plays in the easiest division in the NFL. I get it you love the game and I respect you for that. But take a note from Kevin Costner and pack it in for love of the game. I know it'll upset John Madden and Joe Buck but they'll get over it.