Saturday, November 29, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Hey did you hear about the Lions having to suspend practice yesterday? One of the players found a white powder on the field, and alerted Marinelli so he suspended practice and called in the cops and federal agents. Michigan state police forensic analysts came in and had a look at it and determine it to be the goal line. Oh Detroit!
Happy Thanksgiving Americans! Enjoy your turkey and football :)
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Well Mr. Rodgers congratulations. After last night's performance you are the new Brett Favre. You might as well stick a number 4 on your jersey. 248 yds 2 TDs and here it comes 3 INTs. My poor fantasy team almost came back from being down 93-46 going into last night's game. I got up to 93-93 and tied it up and then do you know what happened? That's right Rodgers threw his 3 INT of the night and I lost 93-92. No I'm not bitter at all.
Now the game wasn't entirely your fault, Aaron. Your defense thought staying in Green Bay would be a way better idea than showing up in New Orleans. 51 points...you guys gave up 51 points!!! Who do you think you are? Texas Tech? 7 TDs and a FG. Man! Keyshawn's totally putting you guys in the next C'mon Man segment.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
1. Reading the NFL rule book - Wow guys games really can end in a tie. That's AMAZING!
2. Texting Romo to see how well he gets along with T.O. - 213 yds? Really that well??
3. Telling Andy Reid he hopes they can continue their man-love which is equivalent to Madden/Favre.
4. Writing an "I'm sorry" letter to T.O.
5. Eating Chunky in hopes he can keep his deal with Campbell's because Momma McNabb will be angry otherwise.
6. Wondering if the Ti-Cats need a QB since his wife's already in Hamilton.
7. Learning to play hockey - since the NHL has no ties.
8. Looking at a Rogaine pamphlet to reverse the obvious balding.
9. Applying for a position in Obama's administration.
10. Wondering if he should take down his fathead of Andy Reid he has above his bed.
11. Calling his travel agent - Hi I'd like to book a trip to somewhere warm on Dec. 29th. No no don't be silly there won't be a post-season for me.
12. Creating a Facebook event for Pacman's return - C'mon Pacman I know you wanna party!
13. Thinking "Ha ha Kolb's so cold with his bare arms and look at me looking like a little baby all bundled up in my coat!"
14. Checkin' out time shares in a Florida retirement community
15. Wondering how many licks it takes to get to the centre of a Tootsie Pop.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Jets @ Patriots - So I think Brett Favre read my blog hating on him because he played a perfect game. Thanks Brett making me look like an idiot. I'm going to write it off as blondeness and still continue my dislike for you. Cassel is really starting to come into his own. He threw 400 yards and 3 TDs. But the Jets took the game and the division in OT. For an NFL overtime rant you should check Dave's Football Blog
Broncos @ Falcons - Despite having the ball for about 7 minutes more, the Falcons fell short to the Broncos. The Broncos seem to have gotten a grasp of things again and look poised to take the AFC West seeing as they're the only team with a winning record in that division. The Falcons have a tough schedule for the rest of the season with the exception of the Rams might be a hard for them to grab a wild card spot but maybe.
Lions @ Panthers - I'm going to say it: 0-16. It's just not going to happen for the Lions. I'm sorry guys but the rest of your schedule is hard and you can't win. I'd love to see you prove me wrong but you are worse than last year's Dolphins. Panthers and Bucs have a good run going for the division. Whoever doesn't win the division has got a wild card spot.
Eagles @ Bengals - A tie is worse than kissing your sister, so Donovan pucker up! This just had pathetic written all over it. But it just goes back to my point about the kicker being the hero or the zero. Graham missed a 47-yd attempt wide-right with 8 seconds left in OT to leave the game at 13 all. One other thing - yes Donovan, games CAN end in ties...wow.
Saints @ Chiefs - Not a shocking game. Other than Tyler Thigpen doesn't suck that bad. Larry Johnson returned this week to do not much. Saints won - duh. Moving on to less crappy match ups.
Ravens @ Giants - Can the Giants repeat? Seriously? To me last year was a total fluke. But this year, the Giants actually look good. Joe Flacco apparently missed his calling though. He ran for 7 less yards than all 4 RBs for the Ravens. Flacco - 57 yds; 4 guys in total - 64 yds. Uh huh...
Vikings @ Bucs - Defense wins games right? Well in this one it certainly did. Frerotte was sacked 5 times. The Vikes could have used the win seeing as their division is all tied up at 5-5 well and then there's the 0-10 Lions. The Vikes have a moderately tough schedule left so who knows what happens to them. And like I said Bucs make the playoffs one way or another.
Raiders @ Dolphins - Way to go Miami. You barely beat the Raiders. High five!!
Packers @ Bears - The Packers destroyed the Bears in this one to the point that Fox switched off the game for lack of competitiveness. They held onto the ball almost 15 mins longer than the Bears. That's a whole quarter! Urlacher finally did something after being pretty much useless this season. An INT but when your offense can't do anything with the ball it doesn't even matter.
Texans @ Colts - My boys pulled it out. Peyton is back!!!! He's thrown 7 TDs in the last 3 games with no INTs. The division is obviously out of reach with the perfect Titans, but the Colts are sitting at 6-4 with a fairly easy schedule coming up. Only one of the 6 teams the Colts have left to play have winning records - unfortunately it's the Titans. But last season, the Colts lost to the Titans giving them a wild card spot on week 17. Maybe history will repeat itself in the other direction.
Rams @ 49ers - Simply put - the Rams suck. The 9ers scored 28 points in the 2nd quarter alone! That's all I can say because in reality both teams suck.
Cardinals @ Seahawks - So um yeah the Seahawks suck too. You turn the ball over 4 times you know you can't win it. Hey Kurt Warner, have fun in the playoffs.
Titans @ Jaguars - Blah the Titans win again. I don't like writing this. So yeah moving on...
Chargers @ Steelers - This game was so boring to watch honestly. But the Steelers pulled it out despite 115 penalty yds. They owned the ball 14 mins longer. The Steelers offense was productive in every way other than crossing the goal line. The final play drama caused an uproar in Vegas but the game would have had the same victor either way.
Cowboys @ Redskins - Romo came back with his pinky in a cast. Portis started despite the sprained MCL (ouch). But the Boys took this one to keep their playoff hopes alive.
Tonight we've got Browns @ Bills - can the Bills stop their losing streak? I'm going to say yes since the Browns aren't in their division and they know how to win games against non-AFC East teams. Although I'd like a Browns win in this one. My prediction 23-17 Bills.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Defensive Line (DL) - The DL is like Bailey. There are 4 defensive linemen (different positions). The defensive lineman is similar to the offensive line. They line up at the line of scrimmage opposite from the offensive linemen. Their job is to penetrate the offensive line to get to prevent the offense from having a successful play. So the Bailey comparison, defensive linemen have bigger builds, are quick, and have stamina. Bailey is always the quickest one to the scene in an emergency and always the one to break up the fights over patients and cases (like breaking up an offensive play). Real life defensive lineman you'd know - Jason Taylor; how you know him - he's another Dancing with the Stars boys.
Linebacker (LB) - The LB is like the Chief. A linebacker lines up right behind the defensive line. There are 3 LBs on the defense. Each have different roles - cover the tight end or running back on pass plays, stop the run, and blitz (i'll explain that later). The LB is responsible for calling the plays. They're like the leader of the defense. The Chief is the leader of the hospital. He's responsible for calling all the shots of what happens. Real life LB you'd know - Ray Lewis; how you know him - he's in the Under Armour commercials
Defensive back (DB) - Think of the 4 defensive backs as Meredith, Christina, Izzie, and Alex. They intercept the best cases from the competition. There are 2 different DBs: cornerbacks (CB) and safeties (S). Their main purpose is to protect the backfield and prevent the offense from completing longer passes and tackling offensive players who get to the backfield. CBs cover the WRs and try to intercept the ball hence the comparison to the 4 characters. Real life S you'd know - Troy Polamalu; how you'd know him - watch the video!
Friday, November 14, 2008
There's lots of different positions in football and every girl knows Sex & the City. So it only makes sense to use the characters of Sex & the City as my main reference here. I'll use other pop culture references too but you'll get it!
Quarterback (QB) - This position is like Carrie. There'd be no show without her. The QB's job is to basically be the leader of the offensive. They have control of the ball. Much like how Carrie controls the show because episodes are generally based on whatever she's writing about. The QB can throw the ball, hand it off, or run with it in order to gain yards. Real life QB you'd know - Tony Romo; how you know him - he's Jessica Simpson's boyfriend.
Wide receiver (WR) - This position is like Samantha. The wide receiver is meant to catch passes from the QB. Samantha is a self-proclaimed receiver. Also, WRs often like to go for the deep ball (a pass far down the field). Samantha also likes to go de...ok you get the picture. WRs tend to be the primadonna of the team as well for some reason. Everything has to be all about them, which is very Samantha-like. Real life WR you'd know - Jerry Rice (he's retired though); how you know him - he danced with the stars.
Running back (RB) - This position is like Charlotte really only because she runs. RBs are the runners on the team. When they are involved in a play, the QB will either hand them the ball or throw a short pass to them. Real life RB you'd know - O.J. Simpson (retired); how you know him - ...moving on
Tight end (TE) - I know you're all thinking this position is like Smith because of the name but there's more to the TE than a...tight end... The TE has 2 main functions: receiving and blocking. So in reality, I guess the Smith comparison works. He gets the spotlight when he's receiving all the attention (like catching the ball), but he also would do anything for Samantha and help her with anything (like blocking the defenders for the WR or RB to make a play) Real life TE you'd know - Mike Ditka (retired); how you know him - he was in Kicking and Screaming with Will Ferrell
Offensive line (OL) - The offense line consists of different positions but we'll just group them together for simplicity right now. These guys are like Miranda. Their build is Miranda when she's pregnant. Their job is to protect the QB by blocking defenders. Miranda is always known for protecting and being there for Carrie (the QB). They line up at the line of scrimmage (where the ball is placed). In other terms, they are the bodyguards. Real life lineman you'd know - John Madden (retired); how you know him - Frank Caliendo impersonates him (really well). He was also in Little Giants.
Kicker (K) - The kicker is like Big. He either is the most loved or most hated guy on the show, much like a kicker to a team. When a kicker makes a field goal, he's loved. So when Big does something sweet and amazing for Carrie (like the last episode of the series in Paris), he's loved. When a kicker misses a field goal and the team loses, it's left on his shoulders. So when Big screws things up (i.e. marries Natasha), everyone hates him. Real life kicker you'd know - Jay Feely; how you know him - Dane Cook made fun of him on an SNL skit.
Next part we'll do defensive positions!
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Ok so, there's 32 teams in the NFL split into 2 conferences the NFC and the AFC. Each conference has 4 divisions (East, West, North, South). Each division has 4 teams.
Next game play: A game is 60 mins broken down into 4 quarters. To win a game, you have to score more points than your opponent. The game begins with a coin toss, the winner can kick or receive the ball to begin. When the offense is on the field, they have 4 *downs* (a down is a play) to go 10 yards in order to keep the ball. When the offense gets the ball, it's 1st and 10 (meaning they're on their 1st down and they have 10 yards to). On 4th down, they have to punt (kick the ball to the other team), go for the 1st down (generally not a great idea), or kick a field goal if they are close enough. Field goals is where those big yellow pole thingies come in. The kicker must kick the ball in between the posts to be successful. If he does so, his team is awarded 3 points. Ideally, a drive (a group of plays to move the play down the field) would result in a touchdown.
The ends of the field are called the endzones. The offense's goal is to reach the other team's endzone. Doing so is called a touchdown. A touchdown is worth 6 points plus a 1 or 2 point conversion. After a team scores a touchdown, they can kick a point after attempt (basically kick a field goal worth 1 point) or try to get the ball in the endzone again for 2 points.
Now in girl terms. Getting a touchdown is going to the mall and finding that exact pair of shoes you wanted! Kicking a field goal is going to the mall and finding out they don't have your size in those perfect shoes but you settle for a different pair.
The defense's job is to prevent the offense from scoring points and getting a 1st down (remember that's going 10 yards). Once again girl terms - remember that episode of Friends with Monica and the wedding dress and the girls all fighting over dresses. The defense's job is to get the dress for its offense. Dress being football here. And preventing the other team from successfully purchasing the dress (i.e. scoring points)
Part 2 will be on positions. Check back soon.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Broncos @ Browns - Ok so I was bummed that Brady Quinn didn't win his first career start but despite losing he had a great debut. Cutler threw for 447 yds (damn boy!). The Broncos 4th quarter comeback won the game and broke their 3 game losing streak keeping them at the top of the AFC West.
Saints @ Falcons - I'm still in awe/shock/random words over the Falcons. This was a must-win for both teams seeing as the NFC South is incredibly close. I'm also in shock over the fact that rookie QB Matt Ryan has only thrown 5 INTs all season. I feel like he should teach Mr. INT himself Brett Favre a few lessons (Yes John Madden, I just went there!). Falcons win this one 34-20.
Titans @ Bears - 9-0...shit! I mean we all knew the Titans had this one in the bag once the Bears announced Grossman as their starting QB but seriously can someone PLEASE beat the Titans?!
Jaguars @ Lions - Could the Lions possibly get any worse? They sign Culpepper and what does he do? Well he simply became a Lion and sucked like the rest of them. Jones-Drew ran all over the Lions D when it came to finding the endzone. 3 TDs for him this game. Maybe the Lions should just forfeit the rest of this season because frankly they look worse than last year's Dolphins.
Ravens @ Texans - The Ravens have an offense that can score???? 41 pts!? Am I missing something or are Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco trying to have a huge run for rookie of the year? At this rate, I'm thinking a Ravens/Falcons Super Bowl could be interesting. Who would have EVER thought that? Oh yeah the Texans still suck. It's all your fault, Sage.
Seahawks @ Dolphins - The Dolphins are out to prove that they aren't the same team as last year. A 3 game winning streak and 1 game out of first place for the division? Pennington is proving he's a great leader for this team's offense and Joey Porter has 12 sacks on this year showing that Miami actually can play defense without what's his name? Oh yeah the Dancing with the Stars guy...the guy who's been useless this year. Oh Jason Taylor you whiney, little brat.
Packers @ Vikings - Another must-win game for both teams. The NFC North is so tight (and so pathetic). Crosby missed a 52-yd FG attempt as time ran out to give the Vikings the victory over the Pack. Also, the Packers gave up 2 safeties. Seriously guys, that's brutal.
Bills @ Patriots - Oh Buffalo, Buffalo, Buffalo. What is going on? You started this season with a bang and now you've dropped 3 games in a row. 3 division games! It's like you guys had an epiphany "OMG! We might make the playoffs! We have to start losing" I understand you probably hate playing in Buffalo and frankly, I don't blame you but you're stuck there, deal with it. Win a divisional game!
Rams @ Jets - 47-3. I really don't know what else to say. The Rams had that momentary burst of non-suckiness and now...47-3? Moving on...
Panthers @ Raiders - Now here's where I'm going to question why the score wasn't 47-3! 16-7 Panthers. Seriously? Delhomme threw 7/27 and 4 INTs. Did he think, "Hey we're only playing the Raiders. I only have to gave aboue 15% today." I mean he was right; they still won. But still!
Colts @ Steelers - As my friend likes to call him Ben Worthlisberger handed the Colts this game. Thanks Benny :)
Chiefs @ Chargers - Oh boy. The Chiefs almost pulled this one out. If Edwards wasn't such a poor coach. Did he think he was playing Monday night or something? Why would you go for 2?!?! Please explain this to me. You tie the game and go to OT and then kick a FG.
Giants @ Eagles - So maybe the Giants aren't as overrated as I (and everyone else) originally thought. They held the ball for 39 mins in this prime time NFC East matchup. I would just like to make one statement though: Next time, let Westbrook run please. He killed my fantasy week!
49ers @ Cardinals - Apparently there was a game last night?! Dear NFL, when making the schedule please explain to me how you thought this would be a great matchup for MNF?? Love, Leah
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Monday, November 3, 2008
Jets @ Bills - The Jets won this important divisional matchup leaving the AFC East one of the tightest divisions in the NFL. With the Pats, Bills, and Jets at 5-3 and the Dolphins at 4-4, this division could send any of these teams to the playoffs. Notes on the game: Favre threw his 300th INT making his the only person in NFL history to reach this mark. Way to go buddy!
Lions @ Bears - Oh my. The Lions almost saw their first win of the season. They blew their lead 10 pt lead at the half to drop their 8th game in a row. The Lions just signed Culpepper to a 2 year deal to add to the "Old QB Boys Club" the NFL's got going on right now. Maybe he can help them win a few games but sorry Lions fans, no playoffs this year. Bears have the NFC North lead right now at 5-3 but the Pack and the Vikes are breathing down their necks at 4-4.
Jaguars @ Bengals - In the game of the big, scary felines, the Bengals FINALLY pulled out a W. The Jags almost came back in the 4th scoring 16 points but that wasn't enough. Final score 21-19. Bengals aren't going to the playoffs and if the Jags want to hang in there for a wild card spot, they need to start winning (wow that was such an obvious Madden statement).
Ravens @ Browns - Yawn. Browns could have had this important divisional game as they had the lead until the 4th quarter. Instead they lost leaving them 3rd in the division at 3-5 and the Ravens at 5-3. The Steelers still have to play tonight and are at 5-2. The Steelers should take this division but if the Ravens continue their winning streak they could be wild cards.
Texans @ Vikings - Schaub left the game injured leaving Rosenfels to try to rally the Texans past the Vikes, which he could not. AP ran for 139 yds. The Texans are in the basement of the AFC South. The Vikes are one game behind the Bears for the top spot in the NFC North. The Vikings could take the division but they're got the Bears and the Packers to fight for it and I'm not seeing that happen.
Packers @ Titans - The Titans remain the lone undefeated team in the NFL despite giving up 390 yds to the Packers. Unless something goes drastically wrong, the Titans look like they'll be taking the AFC South title. The Packers are sitting at 4-4 behind the Bears, tied with the Vikings.
Cardinals @ Rams - I'm going to hand the division to the Cardinals now and not even talk about this game.
Bucs @ Chiefs - The Bucs almost got embarrassed huge! Actually having to go to OT against the Chiefs is embarrassing in itself. They're lucky they pulled this one out. The NFC South is a tight race, the Bucs couldn't afford to lose such a gimme. And the Chiefs...well yeah better luck next year boys.
Dolphins @ Broncos - The Dolphins have now won 4 times as many games as they did last year! And the Broncos are on a 3 game losing streak. Luckily for them, they're the only team at 500 in their division so somehow at 4-4 they look playoff bound. Unless the Chargers remember how to play football.
Cowboys @ Giants - Oh Dallas, what is wrong with you? I realize you still have a winning record but you're in the toughest division in the NFL right now. You need to be playing better than that. Romo or no Romo - pull it together! Also, who can stop the G-men?
Falcons @ Raiders - The Raiders suck. The end.
Eagles @ Seahawks - The Seahawks also suck. Eagles are on a 3 game winning streak. Watch out for them in the wild card race with Westbrook back.
Patriots @ Colts - The rivalry of the decade wasn't the same as normal. But the Colts came out with the win and that's all that matters in my world. Bob Sanders returned after missing 5 games and intercepted Cassel, which pretty much secured the victory for the Colts. Addai also returned after missing a couple weeks, but not much production from him: 32 yds on 17 attempts.
Tonight's game between the Steelers and Redskins should be a good one. Both presidential nominees will be there reminding you to get out and vote tomorrow. I'm going with the Skins 17-14.